Don't Lose Hope
by NeverFarAway
Summary: Separated from the accident that caused their mutation, they have all reunited, although it wasnt a happy meeting in the beginning. All of them have lead different lives, different expierences, secrets to hide. This is the story of how they learn to become friends, brothers, a team. Although one of them is the key of destruction, they will not lose hope. Character death.
1. New Beginnings

_**Hey, I'm back from my LONG absence, how has everyone been doing?**_

_**I honestly have been trying to write and post things up, but I've been sooooo busy that I've had hardly any time to even think, now that I have a job. Now that it is the end of the school year, lots of work is going to be thrown my way, even more than ever. But since the hysteria has died down a bit, it gave me a chance to write out my new story that I have been thinking about doing since who knows how long! **_

_**Basically, the four of them were separated since the accident that caused them to mutate, each of them lead different lives, but for the most part the expierences are unpleasent. Leo was the only one that Splinter could save, and since Leo was told about this, he searches the whole city as far as he can for them. Now, as you will learn in this chapter, it was kind of interesting and kind of crazy how they meet up, but later it will make since as the story goes on. This story will go through their lives, the good, the bad, learning secrets, fighting villians, deaths, and having some crazy adventures that they get caught up in.**_

_**Thats all I'm going to say now, I will explain more later, but I wanted to give this since this won't fit into the summary. And I'm planning on making this a long story! Let me know what you think! :)**_

* * *

He could feel the blade pierce through his plastron and into his sensitive flesh as he snapped back into reality, the blood pumping it's way out of the wound. He didn't move for fear of feeling the pain worsen, he wanted to cry but he couldn't, not wanting to cry and break down in front of his brother. He wanted to just scream, but no sound came out, even though the pain was overbearing.

In the hours that he feels that would be his last; he gave a smile, wanting to show his brother that he had to do it, for their brother's and father's safety. He knew he is a danger to everyone around him; taking many lives from this world out of uncontrollable rage and his curse.

So many lives, so many faces that he couldn't get the images out of his head; these things just make his nightmares worse. His mistakes that put his brother's lives in danger, his mistake for letting himself open up and let them get close, for letting himself be persuaded that he wasn't a monster.

He tried to pretend that he could do good, that everything that happened in the past was a nightmare that ended; when all in reality his nightmares are worse, and that he couldn't escape from his destiny that was given to him.

Leo just stared at Raph in shock, his hands shaking while holding his Katana's that has sliced through Raph, tearing up at the sight.

Leo opened his mouth, ready to plead and beg for Raph to hold on while he gets help, to not leave him and the others behind, to beg to him to not hate him even more. He could feel tears streaming down his cheeks.

Raph saw this, and as angry as he was at his brother, he knew his brother did the right thing, whether Leo realizes this or not. He knew this day was coming, when they first met three years ago.

"I'm...not angry..Leo" Raph managed to get out, his vision starting to blur, a little bit of blood trickling out of his mouth, "I...t-told you...t-t-that...this day...would...c-come."

All Leo did was shake his head rapidly, wanting to deny the fact that Raph saw this coming. That Raph could do all of these horrible things; allowing to have him stab his own brother.

Raphael himself.

Raph's legs gave out on him. The last thing he heard were Leo's pleading, and the last thing he saw were Leo's dark blue eyes as he fell off of the building.

* * *

~Three Years Ago~

Raphael stared at the other turtles that were sitting at the table, keeping his distance from these strangers he met by sitting at the very end of the table. He felt uncomfortable being around any beings, especially humans, and he doesn't know wether to be thankful or not that he isn't the only one of his kind.

He didn't want to be found by anyone, all he wants is to be by himself where he would only have to watch his own back. He didn't want to hurt anyone. He doesn't have any experience in teamwork, and having no desire to be on a team made him more anxious to run off. All he knew was kill or be killed, and he didn't want to take any chances on these three turtles, and a giant rat, to harm him.

To think, he was just sleeping in a bush, his body sore and wounded, and out comes one of them being chased and trips over him. He didn't know what to think, and he wasn't paying attention at that moment that there was another of his kind. So when he started to sprint of out the bush and rammed into the dark blue-eyed turtle, he almost felt his heart stop. When he looked around him to see the other two, whose eyes were bugging out of their heads, he hated to admit it, but he fainted.

That's how he ended up here, they took him back to the sewers. If he didn't faint, he would have ran off. And from what he learned by listening to the conversation that was being told to the rat, who is claimed to be the 'father' by the dark blue-eyed turtle, whose name seems to be Leo, that the bright blue-eyed turtle and brown eyed turtle were also new to this whole ordeal as well, that they were also found the same evening. Which was just a few hours ago.

By listening, turns out that the bright blue-eyed turtle lived in the streets and was the one who tripped over him. He was being chased by Leo, because he was stealing something for some strange reason; he didn't catch most of that part of the story since he started to get bored and doze off until the word 'stealing' caught his attention again. The brown eyed turtle was just building something in the woods until they came along, which is what the others got out of him since the turtle seemed to almost be just as uncomfortable about this whole situation as Raphael did, refusing to speak any further.

Raphael, as hungry as he was, didn't even trust to eat the food sitting in front of him. He wasn't used to being fed in such a friendly manner to begin with, which confuses him, and makes him more suspicious on why he was recruited and being claimed on being a brother by who seemed to be the eldest of the three turtles; Leo.

Plus the food looked and smelled like crap to him.

He unwrapped the bandages on his arm while no one seemed to be paying any attention to him, reveling one of the two tattoos that was given to him, this one having the numbers '1315141920518' written in black ink. There was a special significance for this tattoo, these numbers had a meaning to it, a meaning that Raphael knows that would be his future.

An unhappy one.

He then gently touched his bandaged eye, which limits his vision.

He always looked at these numbers and touched he destroyed eye to remind himself to never get close to anyone.

"Whatcha look'in at" he heard a high pitch voice say, one that he automatically found annoying.

Raphael quickly wrapped up his bandage and looked up to see the smallest of the turtles, bright blue-eyed, freckles, wearing a big smile.

"None of your business" Raphael growled, setting his arm in his lap.

"Come on" he whined in, his high pitch voice making it almost unbearable to stand as it left a tiny ring in his ears, "we are all brothers here, everything we share will be between us!"

Raphael cringed at the word 'brothers', almost surprised that this guy was willing to believe that they we all related, and for the fact that this guy thinks he wants to be apart of this 'family'. And he thinks that this guy is just dumb for thinking that he is just going to share his life's story.

"Calm down" Leo chimed in, "give him time.. Mikey...right?"

The bright blue-eyed turtle, who was called Mikey, pouted at the other turtle, but gave a nod.

"Yup, Michelangelo's the name, but I like to be called Mikey!"

Raphael just gave Mikey a weird look; seeming surprised that this guy can bounce from one conversation to another, because he seemed so totally wrapped up in explaining his name.

Not that he minded, he liked it when everyone minds their own business.

"Young one" he heard the rat speak, and he didn't know if he was being talked to, but just for the hell of it, he looked at the rat straight in the eyes. As it turned out, he was right.

Raphael just grunted in response, earning a look from Leo, to which he couldn't help but give him a glare.

"You haven't touched your food."

Raphael directed his attention back to the rat, unamused, "and that's a problem why?"

The rat responded back in a soothing and calm tone, "it's not a problem, it's just you look like you haven't eaten in a while, malnourished."

Raphael couldn't help but take offense to that. Sure it's been almost two weeks since he's actually eaten something, but he would still consider himself still in shape and still strong enough to take care of himself.

He thinks he rat should be lucky that he can hold back his hidden cravings.

But before he could respond, Mikey chimed in, "yah, and you look like you stepped out of a horror movie" he then paused for a moment, "...what does malnourished mean?"

Out of nowhere, the brown-eyed turtle, which seemed out of habit, says in an hushed tone, but the others seeming to be able to hear him,

"Improper nutrition or an insufficient diet", he seemed to realize to what he just did, looking surprised, and scooted himself further from everyone and looked down at his food, eating small pieces of the food.

Raphael fixed his gaze on the shy turtle.

Mikey, who seemed to not be able to get it, "meaning..."

"Not eating enough food, or healthy foods" Leo explained, holding back the urge to roll his eyes. After he explains it to Mikey he looked at angry looking turtle, and couldn't help but feel that his father is right; he looked battered and bruised, he had one of his eyes bandaged up, one if his arms was completely covered in white bandages, and he looked like he needed to eat something, the big muscles not fooling him.

"May I ask why you're not eating young one" the rat continued to question.

Raphael, snapping his attention to the rat again, clenched his fists to hold back any rude and sarcastic comments that popped into his mind, not liking being questioned or being called 'young one'. All of this just made him feel the way he did back at his old 'home', and that's not a good thing.

Not taking any chances on letting anything slip, he forced a smile, and knows a not very convincing one, "maybe because the food doesn't look and smell good."

"Yah" Mikey nearly shouted, "this food tastes like crap, we need some real food!"

Leo gave a look of shock, "hey, I made it."

"And you suck at it" Mikey grins, obviously enjoying this.

"What do you expect" the dark blue-eyed turtle responds, feeling offended, "I get the food left over from garbage and in the sewers, it's not like I can pay for it."

Mikey's grin grew bigger, "well, I know some good food, so good, you will never be the same again!"

Raphael, along with the other three, stared at Mikey. While the others looked curious, Raphael looked suspicious.

"And that would be" Leo asked, leaning his head in with interest.

Raphael didn't want to know, but the more he thought of it, if this gives him the opportunity to go onto the surface, he will take it. Nothing more sounds good to him than running off.

Looking like he could burst from his excitement, Mikey yelled with a big boom in his voice, "pizza!"

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**_Thank you for reading, and putting up with me when I keep on disappearing on and off, but I promise that I will be on a lot from now on, since summer is just weeks away! and as for my other story, im having doubts, and I'm thinking of maybe, MAYBE, combinging some of the elements in that story into this one. Because I'm honestly not feeling so good on that story. But I promise I'm not going to be wishy washy on this story, I've looking forward to writing this!_**

**_Noticed I'm writing a different POV kind of story!_**

**_Anyway, this is going to be, for the most part, an all summer long story, maybe a bit even longer! And again I'm sorry for being gone for soooo long, and let me know what you think! :)_**


	2. The Deal

**Sorry for not updating in a while, but I finally had some time, and I was able to finish this chapter!**

**I only have a week of school left until summer, and I'm super excited since I will be able to write more when I get off of school! Just one more year of high school to go!**

**Please let me know what you think, and I hope you enjoy! :)**

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After a hour or so of convincing Splinter to let them above the surface, when it's this late at night, Leo was able to have the four of them go. Now standing on top of a building while scouting the busy city, allowing Mikey to lead them to where they can find the pizza, since he knew this whole city like the back of his hand. At first he wasn't so sure if it was a good idea, but after thinking about trying something different, something that would actually taste good and for the fact Mikey was so sure of himself, he was willing to give this food 'pizza' a try.

Plus now that he has found his brothers, he wants them to feel right at home, which means good food.

He was so excited and had a hard time trying to containing it. After years of searching, YEARS, he is finally reunited. The only reason he knew he had brothers was because Splinter told him, and trained day and night, everyday, searching for them ever since he was first allowed onto the surface. He remembered he would get into trouble when he was younger for roaming the sewers, searching to see if his brothers were hiding. He used to daydream what it would be like to have little brothers, and fantasized about them on how they acted, if they looked different from him, wondered what it would be like playing games with his brothers, to just hang out and talk with them.

Mikey seems to be the youngest. Bright blue eyes that shined in the darkness, and a smile that lit up a room. He is the shortest, and seems to be happy all the time. He had a carefree attitude that Leo couldn't help but be a bit worried about, since he thinks that kind of attitude will lead Mikey to do things without thinking; to which Leo couldn't help but think of a few hours ago when he tried to steal some food.

Donnie, or Donatello, which Leo had to drag out his name of his little brother. He seemed to be very shy and didn't want to talk at all, but the few words spoken by Donnie, Leo was able to get an idea that he's intelligent, thinking back on when Mikey asked what malnourished meant. He is the tallest, and the thinnest, little to no muscle, and seemed to be the calmest, and nicest, of his three little brothers. But he could tell by the look in Donnie's eyes that he's nervous, every single time he looked at him he looked like a nervous wreck, he sees his dark brown eyes darting back and forth rapidly non-stop.

The one that keeps on glaring at everyone, but mostly at Leo, which Leo still didn't know his name. Not that he was threatened by the angry turtle, he just knew by how the turtle acted towards him, that this guy is a hothead. He seemed to be the oldest of his younger brothers, just right behind him, and Leo knew that this guy might be threatened by that, considering his obviously aggressive personality. It kind of annoyed Leo a bit. But he couldn't help but feel sad to see his brother wrapped up in bandages, and had cuts a bruises all over him, his right arm completely covered in white bandages, and one covering his right eye. Not only did it make him sad, it made him wonder where his brother lived and what caused these injuries. He would ask how his brother got them, but that seemed to be getting too personal too fast, which Leo didn't want to risk pushing his brother's comfort bubble.

"This is a waste of time" the angry turtle hissed, sitting up as he was leaning on the edge of the building, "this whole pizza thing just sounds like a stupid joke."

Mikey's jaw dropped.

Leo frowned, "how come, how is it a waste of time spending time with your family you just met after sixteen years of being separated?"

The turtle just snorted, "family, this isn't my family. Maybe you guys believe that you're a family, but I'm not gullible!"

"There are only four of us in existence" Leo explained, starting to get a little agitated at the angry turtle's negativity, "we are together, why are you being so negative and angry about it?"

The turtle just rolled his eyes, "why am I discussing this with you, you are delusional. How about I save ya the trouble with one less mouth to feed, I can and I like being on my own."

"Well you're no fun" Mikey pouted.

"Who says I have to be fun, I'm being realistic."

As much as Leo is being calm with the angry turtle, the words that are coming out his mouth he felt were uncalled for, and he wasn't going to just let this guy take advantage of his kindness.

"Your not being realistic" Leo responded while folding his arms, "if anything you're the one who is delusional."

That seemed to have an effect on the angry turtle, his face started to get filled with rage and he balled his fists. Unexpected to Leo, the angry turtle ran at him with speed that caught him off guard, not knowing if this turtle had previous fighting experience, and got punched in the jaw with tremendous force. Leo fell to his knees, letting out a grunt, placing his hand over his jaw, feeling the pain that he hasn't experience since he practiced with Splinter two years ago in training.

"Interesting swords you got here" he heard the angry turtle say.

"They are called Katana's" Donnie quickly said, looking like it was almost compulsive to correct people. The bright green-eyed turtle gave him a look, to which Donnie just looked at the ground.

Leo stood up and saw that the turtle has his Katana's, he felt his eyes bug out of his sockets and checked behind his shell where he holds his weapons.

The turtle seemed amused by this as he watched Leo, spinning the Katana's around, "I should take these with me."

Leo felt panicked, but kept his composure in front of the three, "take them where exactly?"

The angry turtle gave him an annoyed look, almost ignoring Leo's question, " I'm taking these with me."

Leo just thought that the bright green-eyed turtle was just nuts, "no you're not."

"You're not the boss of me" he responded with bitterness in his voice, "I'm going to leave and take these with me, they will be good weapons for what I'm traveling for."

Leo started to feel desperate, not only because he was going to lose his weapons, but also losing his brother that he wants to be with and protect. This isn't going as he hoped. Mikey and Donnie seem to cooperate, they seem, at least Mikey, to be happy about a family. Leo couldn't understand why his angry brother is unwilling to believe that they are siblings, why he didn't want to have a family, he didn't understand why he wanted to be alone; Leo had been alone without his brothers for sixteen years, he hated it.

Had didn't want to lose him, it didn't feel right to have all but one brother.

That's when an idea hit him.

"How about a deal" Leo suggested.

The other turtle raised an eye, twirling one of the Katana's in one hand, leaning against the ledge as he seemed ready to jump and run off, "depends, what are you offering?"

Leo took a deep breath, "how about we fight, no weapons just fists."

The turtle stared at Leo intensely, giving him his full attention, "I'm listening."

"If you win, you can leave and take my Katana's" Leo explained, hoping his plan doesn't backfire on him, "but if I win, you stay and live with me and the other two for a year, and after that year is over you may chose to leave if that is still what you want to do."

The scowl turned into a evil grin, dropping the Katana's to the ground, "this will be easy."

Leo got into a fighting stance, "I'll take that as a yes."

"My bet is is on him" Leo heard Mikey say to Donnie, pointing to the turtle he was going to fight.

That crushed Leo.

What crushed Leo even more, was the fact that Don nodded in agreement with Mikey.

He has a feeling that fighting this guy might be a bad idea.

"Let's go" and the turtle ran at him with impressive speed, balled fists, still wearing an evil grin.

He threw a punch at Leo, to which he was able to dodge in time, throwing a punch to the back of the turtles head. The turtle turned around in time to block the attack, using his arm as a shield. The turtle crouched to his knees, and before Leo could figure out what he was doing, the turtle swiped his legs under him, mimicking a breakdancing move as Leo was tripped and fell to the ground.

"You're getting your butt kicked by someone who is half blind" Mikey teased, arms flying in excitement while laughing.

Leo started to feel embarrassed.

This is his time to shine, to be the big brother, be the one who wins and keeps all of his brothers with him. He underestimated this guy, and he wasn't about to let all that training with Splinter go to waste, it's time to put his game face on.

The turtle with the devilish smile was about to kick him in the face, leg raised and ready to strike, and Leo quickly rolled backwards with swift movement. While rolling backwards, he does a flip up in the air, slamming his foot into the turtles face.

The turtle fell onto the ground, feeling the anger almost raised to its peak. He was about to lose control, he wanted to rip that Leo into shreds, he could see his vision blur. But that was the last thing that he wanted and took deep breathes and did his best to compose himself, which didn't help. Running at Leo with fists raised, Leo doing the same, they both threw punches and kicks with speed that Don and Mikey found hard to keep up with. Both being able to block each other's moves, the angry turtle decided to headbutt Leo, catching Leo off guard, gritting his teeth from making any sounds of pain as he could feel his head swell.

Leo took a step back each time as the angry turtle threw a punch at him, getting closer and closer to the edge of the building. Although Leo could tell that the punches the angry turtle was throwing were full of force and power, he could see some hesitance. He looked into the angry turtle eyes, and sees that the bright green eyes were flickering to black every few seconds.

That just makes Leo more and more curious to get to know his brother.

He took advantage of the slight hesitancy, and right when Leo was about to be shoved off the edge of the building, he took a hold of the angry turtle's fists. The turtle looked shocked at what has happened, and Leo quickly used his free hand and slammed his fist in the angry turtle's jaw, payback for when the turtle first punched him in the jaw.

While the turtle was distracted, Leo grabs the turtle's hand and flipped him on the ground on his plastron, his head hitting the concrete, his vision getting blurry for a moment. He slowly started to push himself up, looking down at his plastron to see a lighting bolt shape crack that wasn't there before.

That pissed him off.

It was almost a minute before the turtle slowly pushed himself up from the ground, shoving Leo off if him as Leo went to check to see if he was alright.

"I'm...not...d-done with..you y-yet" he hissed, standing on his two feet for a second before his legs gave out on him.

"Dude" Mikey says with shock, "I think you lost this fight."

"No" the angry turtle nearly shouts, "I don't lose, I never lose, I wasn't created to lose."

Leo didn't know what to make of what this guy meant when he said 'created to lose', which concerns him.

"I, Raphael, don't lose" he shouted, staring at Leo with so much hatred, scaring Leo.

Now knowing this turtle's name, and not letting the hatred of Raphael break his confidence, he kneeled down next to Raphael. Raphael leaned away as far as he could from Leo, obviously not liking anyone getting up in his personal space, especially since it's Leo.

Leo knows this.

"So Raphael" Leo says, unable to hold on a smile as Raphael continues to glare at him, "seems like we are going to be roommates."


	3. An Unusual Bond

**Hello everyone, sorry for not updating as much, I'm trying my best since I'm mainly spending my days in the hospital and watching over my grandpa, since he's staying at my home at the moment. Lots is still going on with my step-grandma in the hospital. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude about this.**

**So, I've changed the POV to first person, well, it's on purpose. I'm doing third person at the beginning and ending of the story, and I want to get to see what inside the minds of our favorite turtles. Also, random news, there are just a billion story ideas running through my brain, so heads up if I start mentioning or posting up stories!**

**Hope you enjoy, and let me know what you think! **

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Donatello's POV

I took a deep breath, hoping that connecting these two wires won't shock me. I've already been shocked twenty-two times today, yes I've been counting, and the only good thing that seems to come out of it is amusing Raphael while he's been in a bad mood about losing that fight.

A week ago.

I hate losing as much as the next person, but it would be really nice and considerate if he wouldn't take it out on everyone.

Awkward dinner time, where the rat, which I've come to know him as Splinter, wants all to be together. Not that I would say it's a bad idea, but Raphael seems to just want to attack Leonardo just by looking at him. And he lost the deal, which means that Mikey and I, and mostly Leonardo, will have to deal with hateful glares and arguments for a whole year.

Thank you Leonardo, for making my new home hostile.

I've lived in an environment close to this, which is what I've been trying to get away from, and it's just bringing horrible memories. So it's like every single time I get into situations where things get very tense, I get extremely nervous.

Right now, which is making me nervous right now, I have Raphael standing next to me while I'm building the new TV. Mikey wanted one and was too lazy to go look for one, and Leonardo came up with the brilliant idea, hint my sarcasm, that I should build one from scratch. Why Raphael chose to hang with me, I have no idea, and he intimidates me so I'm too nervous to ask.

Normally I'm calmed by building and fixing things, but circumstances make it hard to stay calm.

I touch the two wires together, and I instantly feel a shock jolt throughout my body, and I hold back tears as I jump and let go of the wires. I let out a small whimper, looking at my two fingers that are getting the worst of it, which are my middle fingers on each of my hands, both starting to form blisters.

"Twenty three times" I grumble to myself, sitting in the chair behind me in defeat.

"You're doing something wrong" I hear Raphael chuckle.

I snap my head towards him, not liking that he's trying to correct me.

I shook my head in disagreement, and say with my voice shaking as I forced the words to come out, "I calculated all of these on my charts, I did the math right, and I know how to work with electronics, how could I be doing this wrong?"

He rolled his eyes and then stood right next to me, he then grabbed the wires I was using before. He put one of them down and grabbed a new wire, and was getting ready to connect the two.

This guy was going to shock himself, he's not doing it right!

All my nervous tension was taken over by my need to keep this guy from hurting himself, I don't care if he was laughing at me the whole time, and I ripped the wires away out of his hands.

"Don't shock yourself" I raised my voice, "do you know a thing about electronics?"

He gave me a look of shock, but then gave me a grin, "so, you do care."

I gave him a look of confusion, "w-what are you talking about?"

"Oh it's nothing really" he explains, shrugging his shoulders while giving me a smirk, "I just wanted to test ya."

"Why would you want to test me, what would I, a scrawny turtle do to you" I say, each word I say I'm getting more confident, "with your big muscles guy, who looks like he has been to hell and back."

He was still smirking, which I have to take note that this is the most I've seen this guy in a good mood, "well, if you must know, I wanted to see if you even cared."

"Cared?"

"And" he adds,"I wanted to see if you could have a conversation."

I couldn't help but get offended, "I can have a conversation."

"Donatello" he chuckles, "blurting out a random sentence of something super smart, then hiding for the rest of the day doesn't count as a conversation."

I open my mouth and was about to say something in defense, but now that I think of it, that's all that I've been doing all week. I've hardly made any efforts in starting communication, I hate to admit it, but he's right.

I clamp my mouth shut.

His smirk grows, "am I right, or am I right!"

I could feel my face turn red from embarrassment, "ok, let's talk about something else, like why you were testing me to see if I cared."

"To see if you cared" some of his smirk slipping from his mouth, shrugs his shoulders again, "I don't see how much I can elaborate, the sentence was pretty clear don't ya think?"

I notice that he seems a bit uncomfortable.

"I know that" I say bluntly, "I want to know why you would even get the idea that I wouldn't care."

"Between you and me" he says, not smirking anymore, "your the only one that seems to have a good heart, you're smart, and you're not annoying, and I wanted to see if you're putting up an act or if you are being real."

Wow, he actually likes me.

Someone actually likes me!

Man, is it my birthday or what, this is what I've been craving my whole life! Sure he's laughed at me all day, but it was in a teasing way, like a brother!

But I could feel some of my nervous tension creep back, and it's bringing doubts to Raphael's honesty.

_'What if he's lying like everyone else?'_

_'All he is looking is someone screw over, you're not up to his standards.'_

'_He's just like everyone else.'_

No, that's nonsense, we are brothers, he wouldn't hurt me like everyone else.

He looks like the kind of guy that has suffered some trauma, he might probably hate that stuff more than I do.

"Oh god, you hate me" Raphael hissed, snapping me back to reality.

I start to get desperate, "no, that's not true, your the first being I've had a real conversation with, I actually feel comfortable talking to someone for once!"

He looked shocked for a moment, eyeing me with suspicion before giving me a genuine smile. This smile, I haven't seen it before, and it surprisingly brings me comfort.

He should smile more often, it can light up a room, it's sad that he probably doesn't know it.

"Same here" he gives a nervous look as he says, "...bro."

He actually admits it. This whole week, even mention the word 'brother', he goes nuts and calls everyone delusional.

"So you admit it" I smile, being hopeful.

He rolls his eyes, "I didn't say that, I'm saying it like as if friends say that to each other."

He doesn't want to admit it, "you admit we are brothers."

He glares and and points at me, then growls, "don't push it, we are friends."

I just smile, "sure you do."

He rolls his eyes, "your lucky enough I'm not in the mood to argue."

I gave a small laugh, then turned my attention to the TV, then frowned.

"I got this" and Raphael grabbed the same two wires that I told him not to put together, and started to put them together again.

He's really trying to shock himself!

Before I could say anything, he connected the two wires. I closed my eyes and turned my head the other way, not wanting to see results.

"You can look brainiac" Raphael says, tapping on my shoulder.

I still had my head turned and eyes closed, "are you hurt?"

"Just look" he says impatiently.

I slowly turned my head, and opened one eye, afraid of what I was about to witness. When I see the aftermath, I wasn't expecting to see that the TV is still in one piece, the screen showing the weather channels as Raphael messes the antenna, nibbling on his fingers of his free hand.

I'm just in shock, I didn't know he can fix things! Now the question is, why didn't I realize it was another wire?

"H-h-h-ho-" I started to question, to which he interrupted.

"I know how to fix things too, although I'm not technology advanced as you're" he explains, biting one of his fingers, that he has been nibbling on, real hard, drawing blood.

I frown, not only about not fixing the TV and wondering were he learned it, but also at the fact about his now bloody finger and he doesn't seem to care. This guy continues to surprise me everyday.

I consider asking him, but that seemed to get too personal to fast, at least to me.

"Well" he smiles, "I'll talk to you later at training tomorrow, I need to fix this, then sleep."

Conversation is already over?

I just nod, "ok, but you got to tell me where you've learned some of your technological skills."

He gave a forced smile, "I might", then walks out.

Despite some questionable actions, I enjoyed my first real conversation with one of my brothers, and Raphael of all living beings. I would at least thought it would be Leo, he's hanged around me a lot, but I've barley said a word, and just nod my head yes and no. Mikey just bugs me with his consistent talking, although he enjoys being the one talking and not being insulted by Raphael, or being scolded by Leo.

That's when I started coughing real hard, so much that I could barley breath. My legs started wobbling, and gave out on me, but I was able to grab the table where the TV was set, and use it for support. I lay my head on the table and cupped my hands over my mouth, giving more painful coughs, feeling the pain that felt too familiar. After a minute or two of coughing, I gave a deep breath and took my hands off my mouth.

There is blood splattered all over, barley able to see the green on my hands.

Not again.


	4. First Lesson: Part 1

**It has been forever since I've updated, and I'm deeply sorry for keeping everyone who reads this story waiting, I promise to update faster now that I don't have so much going on.**

**Thank you for the nice reviews, means a lot to me.**

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Raphael's POV

I sat on my knees between Leo and Don, Mikey being on the other side of Don. All of us were listening or is supposed to listen to, what the rat...Splin...Splin...what is his name...

Anyway, he's lecturing us about training, what to do, using weapons, blah, blah, blah, I couldn't care less about what he's talking about. I just want to get into training. I want to hold the weapons...I want that Katana.

I made a deal that I lost, and have to stay here for a year, I need to make some sort of priorities.

I look to my left at Leo, he's staring right at Splintar...Splintzar...whatever, the rat, with a serious look, I can tell he's taking in every word. Then I look to my right, looking at Don, who looks like he's very nervous and wants to throw up. Which is weird since I finally got him to have a conversation, I thought he would at least be a bit more open now that he's spoken.

Although it was only me, so he could possibly be open to me, at least I hope so.

What am I talking about 'hope so', what is the point of making friends if I'm leaving in one year, seems pointless to make friends then dump them for the rest of my life. But I can't help but see Don as an different version of myself, what I used to be before, I couldn't help but talk to him.

I need to back off and just have casual conversations here and there, I don't need to get close to anyone; everyone I got close to either stabbed me in the back or have died.

I can feel suppressed memories wanting to come back, feeling unnatural urges that make me fill with hunger.

"Are y-you alright" I hear Don quietly ask, snapping the memories and urges away, seeing concern written all over his face.

Crap, now I have him concerned for me, that's the first sign of friendship; what am I getting myself into?

I fake a smile, "perfectly fine" and leave it at that, he looked like he didn't believe me.

I just stared at the rat again, not even going to try and pronounce his name again, hoping that Don got bored and started listening to the rat again. Once I fee safe enough to look around the room again, I sneak a look and Mikey.

He looked very bored, seeing him nodding on and off again, drool dribbling down his mouth. His disinterest makes me want to laugh, I don't know why, it's just funny.

"Is there something funny Raphael" the rat questions me, making me jump a little.

I look up at him, unable to stop smiling, "I think it's obvious" then I nod towards Mikey, "and I think it's obvious that he's about to sleep."

"Hey" Mikey whined, looking like I somehow betrayed him, "not cool bro, I can't help that this lesson is boring!"

"It's not boring" Leo says calmly, "it's a very important part of our lesson and that it is important to know."

I just snort, "I don't need a lesson on how to fight, and when it is not ok to fight, and show mercy, I know how to fight and showing mercy is full of crap, weakness!"

Leo starts to get defensive, "I don't care that you already know how to fight or not, you already proved to me that you have practiced" and takes a deep breath, "and showing mercy is not a sign of weakness, it's a strength that you don't have."

That ticked me off.

"I have plenty of strength" I snap at him, "I have no weakness, I'm a warrior!"

I am; nothing wrong to be filled with pride.

Leo raised an eye, "I doubt that you don't have any weaknesses, everyone has one. What kind of warrior doesn't have a weakness; in fact I know yours, you're too arrogant for your own good."

"Leonardo" the rat snaps, walking between Leo and I, right when I was about to attack his son.

I'm so filled with rage, all I can think to myself is, 'kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, KILL!"

I didn't listen to what the rat he to say to Leo, or me, since he's probably talking about how rude we were. I just glared at Leo, full of hate, wanting to rip him into shreds; literally.

He stares right at me, giving me a disappointed look, a mixture of being sad and disappointed. I don't know why he would be disappointed, I would at least expect him to full of rage like me, or full of fear; like is everyone else.

What catches my attention is when I hear, "let's work off that negative energy into some physical activity."

I turn my snap my attention to the rat, starting to feel an evil smile creep on my lips, "like fighting", thinking of this as the perfect opportunity to crush Leo, this being a pleasant thought.

"Not yet" he says, much to my disappointment, "but we will be practicing with weapons first, to see how you handle it."

Sounds good; weapons are my speciality.

I just smirk and gave a nod.

"YES" Mikey screams with glee, hops off his knees and did a flip in the air, landing on his feet and runs to the wall filled with many weapons, smiling from cheek to cheek.

There were many weapons; throwing stars, nunchucks, staffs, and many other assortment of other ones that I can't name. Two other ones I remember names for, there are only one pair of each of these two weapons; the duel Katana, and the twin Sai's.

I want those Katana's.

But that's when Leo grabs the two of them before I could, him smiling as he took them off of the wall

"I see you like these" he says, twirling the Katana's around, "they are the perfect weapon in my opinion, swift and quick...but deadly."

I just glare at him, still wanting to kick his ass.

His smile dropped a bit, but still wore it and continues, "I had to work hard to get these" and sets the Katana's on the wall and grabs the Sia's on the wall, "I struggle with these, but I think this is best suited for you."

"You don't know what's best for me" I growl, grabbing and staring at the Sia's with disgust, not wanting anything to do with these gardening tools, "I know what I want, and I always get what I want."

He then gives me a sad look, "well, that depends with Master Splinter."

Splinter...I heard him correctly right...?

But I have to have his approval? That's just idiotic, I should be able to choose a weapon that suits my needs, the holder chooses the weapons.

"But I will let you use my Katana's for practice, since Splinter needs to see how you, Don, and Mikey handle all of these weapons" and gives me a smile again, this time seeming less sincere, and sets the Sia's up and hands me the duel Katana's.

I snatch them out of my hands, pleased that I finally get to hold them, "about time."

"OH MY, I WANT THESE" Mikey shouts, everyone turning their heads, seeing him swing a pair of nunchucks around, jumping all over the place.

"Good to see he found something that he likes, and doesn't have to steal to get it" Leo comments, seeing him wear a gentle smile.

That smile just ticks me off; he gives everyone in the place one, that brotherly love kind of smile, not that I admit that he's my brother (I refuse to believe that I have family), but it's irritating that he can't at least show me some kind of that love.

What, why do I even care?

Why do I care that he shows them love and fake love to me?

I don't care about any of these guys; even Donnie...I mean Don...no I mean Donatello.

I refuse to get close with these guys.

Why do I care if this guy likes me; about a week ago I was going to steal these Katana's and run off if I won.

I don't care.


	5. First Lesson: Part 2

**Sorry for the wait, but I'm glad I updated faster than I did last time. Again, thank you so much for the reviews and for reading, you're all awesome!**

**Please let me know what you think! :)**

Donatello's POV

I've never fought in my life, much less hold a weapon.

The only thing that I've ever done was invent things from scratch, and that was to evade being seen, to make food, and medicine for my sickly self. I have never had any interest in fighting, I prefer the sidelines, I hate conflict.

Looking at all of these weapons makes me nervous.

Feel like I want to vomit.

Splinter is naming all of the names of the weapons one by one, Leo looks like he knows but is still listening, Raph looks like he knows but looks annoyed and ready to hit someone, specifically Leo...ready to slice him up with the Katana. Mikey was too busy eyeing...whatever he has in his hands are called. I normally listen to what Splinter has been saying, but just staring at the wall of weapons has put me in a panic state, everything he says sound like screeching noises like nails on a chalk board like they have in those horror movies that I used to watch, before I started having nightmares about them.

I'm clueless on what to do.

I might as well put a big fat question mark on forehead.

"Now, let's begin" Splinter says, feeling my heart stop as he said that, "Leonardo, demonstrate."

Leo nodded and obediently listened, taking many of the weapons off the wall, started off with the staff. Spinning it at a rapid speed, moving it swiftly, making the object look light as a feather. He did some tricks and flips with the staff, moving over to a practice dummy, hitting it multiple times, hearing snapping sounds as he hit the dummy. He then rolled on the ground and in front of me, pointing the staff at me, taking me by surprise as I jumped and nearly fell onto the ground.

"Your turn" Leo smiled, and handed me the staff, and I almost dropping it.

I stood in the middle room, fidgeting with the staff, picking at it as a nervous tick. All eyes were on me, peering right into my soul, ready to judge me, ready to call me a freak and a weakling.

My body started shaking uncontrollably, ready to feel myself vomit right in the floor...maybe even cough up blood.

Oh, I'm not ready for this.

Why am I part of a family that is full of fighters, weapon experts...couldn't I be in a family were they value peace, love, and technology?

And not full of...violence?

That's when I feel a hand on my shoulder and jump again, dropping the staff.

"You know Don" Leo says, giving me a gentle smile, "you know you don't have to do the exact same moves as I do, do you want to go last?"

"Yes" I said automatically, not giving that question a second thought.

Leo chuckled, "ok, so I guess that means you're up Raphael."

I scurried to the corner of the room, standing next to Mikey, folding my arms, unable to stop shaking.

"Nice one" Mikey smiles, patting my back, "that means I have a better chance looking good in front of our dad."

I didn't know how to respond to that and gave a shrug and a nervous smile, kind of surprised that he believes that Splinter is our father. I mean, I believe that to, but saying the word 'dad' is still scary to me.

"You don't talk much do ya" he says, still giving me a smile, "why is that, there is so much to talk about!"

I still wore my nervous smile, not really knowing how to respond to that.

I guess I'm normally shy?

I've been tormented by mean people before I escaped, who always called me mean things?

Or that I'm not much of a talker?

I shrug my shoulders, "I don't know, guess I'm not much of a talker."

"Not on my watch" Mikey says, pointing at his wrists and started cackling, "haha, get it, not on my WATCH, get it, get it, as if there is a watch on my wrists, not on my WATCH!"

Frankly I don't, I've haven't been social enough to get lots of things...what does he mean watch, not on my watch...he's not even wearing one.

"What watch?"

Mikey was silent for a moment, staring at me with disbelief, then raises an eye, "boy, you need to get out more, I need to teach you the way life, MY life."

I gave him a questioning look, "what is your life?"

He smirks, "street life baby!"

I forced a smile, "frankly, that doesn't sound...safe."

I expected him to start yelling at me, but his smile grew bigger, "that's insulting, but then again, it's true, but I'm well known and my gang literally runs this city, so we will be safe!"

A gang?

Somehow I feel like if I hang out with him, I'm going to being running and hiding for the majority of the time. Plus, we don't look like everyone else, so how come he is accepted into this type of group?

"How a-are you in a gang" I ask, looking at Splinter to make sure he wasn't listening, I don't want Mikey to get snipped and get in trouble, "we don't look like humans."

"They were skeptical of me at first" he admits, "but after learning what I can do, my unnatural superhuman abilities, and knowing my knowledge of the whole structure of the city, I became very useful."

"Why did you want to join a gang" I ask, couldn't help to ask that question that was poking me in the back of my mind, being very curious at this point.

He seemed to zone out for a second, going into deep thought. He blinked, his eyes stared to become full of life, and and smiled, "I need friends to hang out with, living on the streets isn't fun...or safe, if you don't have any friends to have your back!"

I believe him, but yet I don't think he's telling me everything. I'm an observer, and seeing the way he was in deep thought, the serious look he had on his face; he's not telling me everything.

But I'm not going to push it, I like my privacy, so I respect everyone else's.

"You wanna see my tattoo" he asks, ready to roll up a sleeve of his jacket on his right arm, which he seems to love wearing since I never see him not wearing it.

I don't really see the point, "sure."

He rolls up the sleeve, revealing a purple dragon tattoo wrapped around his whole arm, the tattoo ending with the dragon's mouth wide open on the palm of his hand. The tattoo is extremely detailed, very big; and he looked proud of it.

I eyed the tattoo up and down, mesmerized, "where did you get this?"

"By my gang members" he smiles, "my gang is the Purple Dragon, everyone in the gang has one, although everyone has their tattoo in different places."

"Purple Dragon" I say, somehow not getting the best feeling in my stomach, "interesting."

I take this chance to peek at Raph, to see how he was doing. He was doing all these flips and tricks, almost mimicking what Leo did, but with his own flare to it. He was doing amazing with the staff, and I couldn't help but feel a little jealous that he could get this so quickly. I don't know why I'm getting a little envious, I've never had much to do with weapons in my life.

Raph looks like he could be some sort of weapon prodigy of some kind, but by making assumption about his damaged eye that he only sees out of one eye, and from all the other damages around his body; he probably used to do this on a daily basis.

Leo looked proud; like a proud older brother.

Too bad Raph can't see it, since he doesn't want to be apart of this family.

"Come on" he laughs, grabbing my attention, "we are more than just interesting, how about after the lesson we go out and get pizza, and then you get to meet my peeps, sound fun?"

"Uh" I start to say, not knowing wether I want to go with my gut and not go, or go out and bond with my brother and have the possibility of getting hurt.

He rolls down his sleeve, then gives me a pleading, puppy dog eyed look; making it hard to resist.

Play it safe, or have no friends.

Well, I do need friends.

I need to bond; I've had bonding time with Raph, but I need to force myself to expand.

Plus his puppy dog eyes are killing me right now.

"Will I have something to wear" I ask.

He jumps in the air and does a little skip, pumping his fists up in the air, "yes you will, I have plenty of clothes for you to borrow!"

I gave a small smile, "great."

"Well done Raphael" we hear Splinter say moments after making plans, "you seem to have the staff down."

I look at Raph, looking rather smug, making his way over to Mikey and I, and shoved the staff towards Mikey.

"You're it" he smirks, Mikey almost dropping the staff, giving Raphael smirk back.

"Now, it's time to see a master at work!"

He goes to the middle of the dojo and within seconds he started spinning. He was doing pretty good, looking like he had the basics down, but nothing compared to what Leo and Raph have done. Splinter stopped him every now and then to help Mikey make corrections, but that seemed to just to make Mikey get all flustered and almost completely ignore Splinter when it came to redo a move. Leo hopped in and helped Mikey out as well, which helped Mikey out a little, but he continued to make mistakes.

"Master my ass" Raph muttered, leaning against the wall, crossing his arms while staring at Mikey.

I didn't like how rude he was being at the moment, as a matter of fact I disliked how rude he's been the whole day, "he's not doing that bad."

He rolled his eyes, "of course you would think so, you chickened out if I'm not mistaken."

Well, that hurt.

"What your deal, what are you upset about" I ask, getting tired of his consistent rudeness.

He raised an eye, looking a little shocked, which I don't blame him, I didn't think I had it in me too.

"It's none of your business, why do you care so much" he questions, really looking like he wanted an answer.

Looked almost desperate.

"Because your my brother, and I can't stand being around you when your upset, you bring everyone down with you" I answer, for once in my life, unafraid of what he was going to say, "it must be from being locked up down here, you need some fresh air."

He looked angry when I talked to him, but his facial features smoothed out as I mentioned getting out of here, "your damn right about the fresh air, I can't stand it down here."

I hope Mikey won't mind, "do you want to come with Mikey and I above surface tonight, Mikey wants to show me around, and it would be a good time for all of us to bond."

He had a look of happiness with a mixture of doubt, "I wouldn't say binding, but I need to get out of here."

"Donatello, you're up again" Leo chimed in, walking up to Raph and I with a smile, with Mikey next to him smiling as well.

Damn it.

I gave a nervous smile and took the staff as Leo handed it towards me.

"I think you'll do fine" Mikey says, "I'm a stinker when it comes to the staff."

"You weren't bad" Leo says, looking rather displeased that Mikey is talking himself down, "you need some improvements with it, you know the basics so that's good. The staff probably isn't your thing anyway."

Mikey nodded, and looked at the weapons that he's practically obsessed with, "yah, I can agree with you on that."

"Come on" Raph yawns, "this sentimental stuff is boring, let's continue with our weapon training."

Leo rolls his eyes and then turns and smiles at me, "let's do this."

Once I reached the middle of the room, I felt all eyes peering at me. While Leo and Splinter looked encouraging, Mikey stared at me with curiosity, and well Raph, his intense gaze fixed upon me...it was intimidating.

What if they make fun of me, I can't deal with that. My stomach churned, and I felt bile going up to my throat and all the way up to my mouth.

Whatever I do, don't throw up.

I tried to swallow the vomit, and right when I start to spin the staff; all the nervous tension got to me, dropping the staff and fell to my knees, and vomited all over the floor. I remembered that I lost touch with reality, that everyone around me was blurred out, their voices of concerns were muffled. I got up from my knees ran out of the room and into the nearest bathroom, slamming it and locking it behind me, leaning over the toilet and threw up more. My body was trembling, gripping the end of the toilet as I then started to cough, blood splattering from my mouth and into and all over the toilet.

Once I finally stopped, I moved away from the toilet and leaned against the wall, tilting my head back.

This can't be happening, not again, I thought that I got rid of it, my illness. I thought that doctor said he could heal me, I need to figure something out before it's too late. I finally have a place I can call home, I finally have a family that I am surrounded with, now I'm falling ill.

Puking and coughing up blood means one thing; I'm dying.


	6. Above the Sewer

**Sorry to keep y'all who read this story waiting, so may things have gone on these past few months, and feel extremely bad for not updating.** **I will try hard to post these up, and hope family drama doesn't overwhelm my life again!**

**Please let me know what you think! :)**

Raphael's POV

Friendship and being close to someone hasn't been my thing; I guess I have to blame the fact that I was never taught to love people, I was trained to be a warrior. Affection, I've experienced for a short period of time, but it turned out to be deadly and cost me an eye and my distrust in everything.

So seeing all of them getting along, being comfortable around each other; makes me feel uncomfortable.

"No emotion, that's what makes others see my weakness" I say to myself, staring at my fully clothed body, almost not recognizing myself.

Good thing HE isn't here to see me like this; it would make it worse for me if I get caught. I should really find a way to run off, but I'm bound by a deal and I hate to break deals, no matter if I hate the person or not.

Every second I stay eliminates the amount of time I have to save myself.

I roll the jacket of my sleeves up and peaked under the bandage again; why am I called Raphael if I've only been called by my number '1315141920518'.

Well, the number symbolizes my future self, or well I can say my present self as well; the name Raphael kind of contradicts the meaning of the number if you ask me.

I roll down my sleeve and looked at the mirror, touching my bandaged eye; to which I couldn't help but mumble "monster."

That's how everything ends in trouble; I get to close to beings.

Friends, affection, emotion...they all lead to trouble.

"Are we ready" Mikey chirped, looking at him in the reflection of the mirror, skipping into the room with Don and Leo walking behind him.

All of them were fully clothed, all of us wearing a similar outfit, the only difference is the color of out jackets; I wore the black jacket and pants, Leo wearing the blue jacket and black pants, Don wearing the purple jack and black pants, and Mikey wearing the orange jacket...and you guessed it, black pants. All of us wore black boots and gloves as well, which I couldn't help but find irritating.

"You have such variety of clothes" I say sarcastically, pulling my hood over my head, turning to him and crossed my arms.

"Just be lucky I could even get these things" he whined, that high pitch voice of his really makes me want to punch him in the face, "plus, I'm not exactly wanted in most of the stores."

Leo snapped his head at Mikey, raising an eye at him; Mikey's eye went wide at the realization of what he just said.

He has a bad habit of saying the wrong things in front of Leo; not being wanted in most restraunts, stores, being seen vandalizing by police. He says that he hasn't been caught physically, but they recognize his 'costume' of being a giant green turtle if they ever watched the news.

Or if he has stolen before...but Mikey seems to be quick on his feet, said to me earlier that he can get away in the same store multiple times.

Which is surprising that he hasn't been arrested; but then again, his reflexes and speed are very hard to keep up with.

He literally bounces off the walls...annoying as hell.

"How many places are you not allowed in" Leo asks eyes raised, arms crossed, leaning close to and towering over Mikey, waiting for an explanation.

He gives a nervous laugh and raises his hands in defense, "it's a funny story…..and also a long one, but you're going to love it!"

While Leo bickers at Mikey, Don scoots away from the two and stands next to me; freaking me out that he is comfortable being around me.

I don't like it.

"Are you excited Raph" he asks with a shy smile, looking down at me as he is taller than me.

I couldn't help but cringe at the name Raph, he's getting too comfortable with me, but I also come to hate the name as well. It doesn't fit me; I don't deserve a name in general.

Monster.

I forced a smile, for some reason I can't tell him to back off and leave me alone like I usually do, "happy to get some fresh air, but it's the humans that's going to be a problem."

I see him tense up, "I forgot about the humans."

"Well I haven't" I mutter; I can never forget those cretins. They are a pain in my ass, unable to trust them because they just stab you in the back whenever it is only good for them. The good ones are rare to find, and I've managed to erase a good one from the earth: I want to eat all those little shits who bring disgrace to the world; a bunch of monsters themselves.

I should know, I'm a monster as well….takes one to know one.

I have my others reasons for avoiding them….and as much as I hate them, I don't want to harm them.

You see; I was created to not lose…I was created to kill. I haven't eaten in a while because of this reason….let's just say I have a unnatural craving's.

Mainly humans.

I blame THEM for doing this to me.

As violent as I can be; I mean no harm as long as I'm defending myself, but these unnatural urges can be overbearing. Being in a population filled with humans just makes me nervous, not that I'm going to admit it out loud.

I'm dangerous to be around.

"Oh come on Leo" Mikey whines, snapping me out of my thoughts, "let's just go out and have fun!"

-Above the Sewers-

"I'm spreading the news" Mikey sang loudly, leading us through the crowded side walk, "I'm leaving today, I want to be a part of it, New York, New York!"

I could feel myself getting claustrophobic; too many people, too much temptation….and that damn song Mikey is singing isn't helping!

"Shut up" I yell at him, slapping the back of his head.

"Ouch" he cries, rubbing his head.

"That's uncalled for Raph" Leo says sternly, crossing his arms and giving me a look.

"What the hell am I doing wrong" questioning him, feeling my stomach growl, feeling my nervous tension rise, "I didn't give him brain damage, although by the way he acts, I'm pretty sure I knocked some brain cells back into that empty skull of his!"

"Raph" Don gasps.

"What's wrong with you" Leo interjects.

"Why would you say that" Mikey questions, looking hurt; for some reason I actually felt bad for saying that to him.

"Answer me" Leo snaps, stopping in the middle of the street, not caring about that people walking around us, standing right in front of me; looking agitated.

"Can't you just ignore what I said" really wanting to avoid the conversation, and getting to a place that isn't surrounded by people.

"No, you need to apologize" he says in a high and mighty voice, really pissing me off, "do so, and lets go out and meet Mikey's friends."

I just want to be alone, "I don't need to apologize, but you know what, I bet things would be a lot better if I wasn't around to ruin your brother bonding!"

"N-n-no that's not it" Don stutters while looking freaked out, I don't know why, I don't see why he even wants to hang out with me.

"Where did you even get that idea Raphael" Leo asks with a concerned look, "you just need to apologize and then we can all be together and bond as brothers."

"But I'm not your brother" my blood boiling at this point, really getting tired of hearing him say that.

I don't need a family, family leads to hurt; that's not something I'm putting myself through again.

Leo looks at me with concern, while the other two looked at me with wide eyes.

Why concerned?

There is no reason to be concerned for me!

If anything, they should be concerned themselves; because if I stay and live with them my whole life, I will only end up hurting them!

I shouldn't have ever made that bet with Leo!

With that, I turn and run off, ignoring the others as they call for me. I want to run off, I don't belong with them, I don't belong in this place!

I just need to be by myself!

As soon as I felt as I got far enough away from them, I hid in an alleyway, hiding behind the dumpster and took my hood off, needing to get into a secure place. The hoard of humans was getting too much for me. At least there isn't a human in this place.

"Are you ok" I hear a feminine voice ask; wanting to punch the wall for not trying harder on finding a hiding spot.

And for jinxing myself.

Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn!

I can't be seen by a human; maybe if I keep quite and and stay still, maybe the human won't notice me.

"I know you're in here" she speaks again, "I just want to know if you're ok."

Like I'm going to say anything; it's none of her damn business.

I clothes my eyes, hold my breath to block out her scent. I pull out I knife that I shock in my pocket when the others weren't looking, getting ready to get on the defensive and fight.

At least scare her away.

That's when I felt something touch my shoulder.

I raised the knife and blindly stabbed whatever was touching me. I here a small whimper, and I opened my eyes and looked up.

I see a orange haired girl, who looks like she's in her teens; wearing shorts with legging under the a yellow shirt, with a black jacket covering most of the shirt. Her blue eyes looked worried and hurt, seeing her whole body physically shake.

That's when I look at her hand; my knife inserted in so far that you could see the tip of the knife on the other side of her hand.

Shit; what is wrong with me?!

I slowly back away from her, not paying attention turn to where I was going, and backed right into the wall. She slowly walked up to me; which I'm wondering why she hasn't ran away screaming from me at this point. I mean, just look at me.

With my hood down, it's plain to see that I'm a taking turtle...who just stabbed her hand.

"It's ok, I'm not mad."

She's mad, she has every reason to be pissed.

And she should run.

She winced as she moved her stabbed hand, "I can call my father, but in the mean time; let me introduce myself."

Introduce herself.

She's stupid!

"I'm April O'Neil" and she yanks the knife out, takes off her jacket and wraps in around her band, to slow the bleeding, and hands the knife over to me, and weakly says, " I believe this is yours."

She drops to her knees, moaning in pain.

That's it, she's going to bleed out just because she wants to see if a complete stranger was 'alright'. Gosh, she's stupid.

Going against the nagging voice in my head; I pull my hood over my head, pick her up with ease and threw over my shoulder, quickly climbing up the wall. Refusing to walk in the streets, I jump from roof top to roof top, roaming aimlessly until I find some sort of health center.

As much as I hate doing this, I couldn't just leave there to bleed out.

You're lucky that I'm being generous April O'Neil.

Maybe a little too generous.


	7. The Truth can Hurt

**Hey, I got this chapter up pretty fast, at least it feels that way to me, since I'm trying to get back into my schedule!**

**Anyway, thanks for putting up with me, and please let know what you think! Hope you enjoy! :)**

-Donatello's POV-

I hope he didn't leave us forever...he made a deal with Leo.

Leo told Mikey and I to go on ahead and meet Mikey's friends while he looked for Raph, that he will find us as soon as he can. I guess you can say I'm a nervous wreck, feeling very uncomfortable around humans; I know they can't see who I truly am, but I'm not to risk anything...not again.

"You're going to love my friends Donnie" Mikey smiled, patting my back, grabbing onto my wrist, "I snuck out a few times last week and told them about you four, and they are excited to meet ya!"

Wait...what?

"What do you mean you snuck out" I questioned, pulling him off to the side, away from the humans.

He gave me a weird look and raised an eye at me, "I snuck out, no big deal."

I crossed my arms, "but you could've gotten hurt, with all these humans around" trying not to scream...humans literally scare me to death.

I'm surprised that I haven't ran off like Raph, or passed out.

He just laughs at me, making me confused.

"You're funny Donnie, really funny!"

"I'm not trying to be funny!"

But he still just laughs, "there is nothing to worry about, I know this whole city, wait scratch that, this whole state, like the back of my hand. Every short cut, know every name of every single streets, know every gang this state has to offer" he explains.

"I know the good and the bad places" he finishes, "and I promise you that we are going to the safe."

I look away, unsure of how I feel about that statement. I know he has good intentions, but honestly, I still don't know that much about him.

All I know is that; he's loud, bubbly, energetic, happy all the time (which I don't get why), shortest out of all of us, youngest of all of us, and that he lived on the streets.

I don't know his likes, dislikes, his past, which are the important things to know about people.

But when I want to ask him; my fear of letting my secret and past out stope me.

Why ask him about his past, if I'm unwilling to share mine?

"I promise" he smiles, looking at me with pleading eyes, "now let's meet my friends, I don't want them to think I ditched."

How can I look at his, undeniable cute face, and say no...I have a problem.

I sigh, closing my eyes and bowing my head in defeat, "fine, but please don't leave my side, humans make me nervous."

He gives me a smirk, "I know that, I can see it in your eyes, but I won't leave ya" and then grabs my wrist again, "just promise that you're nice to my friends, I practically call them my brothers too!"

With that, he yanks me and nearly drags me as he sprints through the streets.

I hope his friends are good people like he says they are.

Lord knows I haven't had good experiences with humans.

Not even close.

~Flashback~

I let out a whimper as the 'doctor' injects me some 'medicine'. He didn't tell me what it is, only that it keeps me from coughing up blood. He asked me a few times on how I've gotten this sick, to which I just say I was born like this.

Truth is, I don't remember.

All I know is that I keep getting a vision of strange people, if they were people, towering above me, poking me with needles, doing harsh experiments on me. Then I would see one of them injecting me with a whole bunch of this one colorless liquid, and I mean a lot; that I fell to the floor doubling over in pain, my whole body shivering, feeling like I'm burning on the inside.

Then the next thing I knew I was puking up blood.

I have these visions almost every time I sleep; and feel it might of happened to me.

But then it might not have; it might just be my mind making a false memory to ease my unknowing of my illness.

And the fact that I'm going to die if they don't find a cure soon.

In fact, I don't remember anything about my past life before I came over to this hell whole. I just have the disturbing visions, and also of a young little monster, who they covered the poor guy up with bandages and put so much clothing on him that I couldn't even see who he was.

What he even looked like.

I remember him and I speaking to each other, his voice a little lower than mine, a little sinister; but I guess I seemed to have no problem talking to him.

But that's as far as my memories will take me.

"Don't be such a baby" the 'doctor' snaps, "we've done this plenty of times for you to get used to it."

"I guess my skin is sensitive" I say softly, rubbing the part of my arm that he injected the needle.

He just rolls his eyes, "how is it that you barley shed a tear when you get out in that cage anymore, while you still cry about a needle?"

"I wouldn't say cr-"

But he cuts me off and slaps me; not reacting to the pain, as much as it did hurt.

Weird how I'm used to the hitting and kicking; but needles still make me tear up.

I guess what they say when they point at me is true; that I'm a strange creature.

"I wasn't finished talking" he snaps, giving me a disgusted look, "you should learn some respect, after all I'm doing for you to keep you alive."

As much as I had to say about that statement; I didn't dare to speak again.

"Although, I'm only keeping you alive is so you can keep the money rolling in" he then grins, "if it were up to me and not the boss...well let's just say you won't be alive, and I will be famous!"

That's all I am, an attraction used for money.

In a way, I wished I was put out of my misery; because anything is better than being pointed, laughed at, and beaten on a daily basis.

I stare up at the night sky, laying on my side, wrapping my arms around myself as I shivered. Leaning right up against the bars of my cage, since the ceiling is blocked of my cage, having to turn my head at an awkward angle to look at the beauty above me. This is only good thing about my life as of now, the stars.

As strange at is, they make me happy.

"I want to be free" I mumbled to myself; sticking my hand through the bars of the cage, standing up so that I reach out for the stars, knowing that it will never happen.

"I want to be free with the stars" I felt tears running down my cheeks, " I want a place I can call my home."

"Too bad that will never happen, this is your home" I hear a voice say, one that scares me so much.

I snapped my hands back into the cage, wiping away the stray tears, moving myself to the corner or the cage.

Far away as I can from the boss as far as I could.

He crept up to my cage, moving slowly on purpose, knowing that it scares me. He knows every fear that I have, he loves to prey on them.

It's his way of keeping control of me.

Form what the doctor has told me; he does this so that he can keep me under control. Says that he hasn't seen a creature like me; says that I make him lots of money.

"You don't have a family" he smirks, "you're just a disgusting creature, who won't last a single day out in the world without me."

I want to say that I'm not disgusting, I want to say that I have a family and a home...but as the days go by; the possibility of surviving is zero to none. But I want to prove him wrong, I want to explore the world on my own; one way or another I will find a place I can call home.

The thought of being on my own scares me.

Being with humans scare me.

Without thinking of my consequences, I blurted out, "I bet I do have a family, I will prove it to you one day."

With that, he unlocks my cage and steps in. He takes out his whip, that he keeps attached to his belt, while he walks towards me.

I know what's going to happen next; so I now my head, squeezing my eyes shut.

Taking each hit like I always do; but in the back of my mind I kept this thought in mind.

I will prove him wrong.

~End of Flashback~

"Here they all are" Mikey beams, jumping up and down with excitement, "my gang, my crew, my brothers from another mother!"

"Brother from another species" one of them sinkers, walking over to Mikey, giving a handshake, then I guess a manly hug, the guy grinning from ear to ear.

Mikey laughs along, although he looks a little hurt by the comment, he keeps on smiling and I introduces me.

I couldn't quite catch all their names; the only one I remember was the one that shook Mikey's hand, which seems to be the one Mikey was closest to.

Name is Hunter; tall, tan skin, very muscular, dear brown eyes and hair. Have to say he is quite the looker, and very intimating at the same time.

Hunter and the others all asked me so many questions;

What's you're name?

How old are you?

Are you smart like Mikey says?

Do you know how to fight?

Do you drink?

Want a smoke?

Want to get high some time?

The questions just got stranger and stranger the more they ask; Mikey didn't seem bothered by it, he just turned his head to the other side and chatted with another friend.

What shocked me the most was when he asked for a drink.

One of the guys, with a purple dragon tattoo, the dragon's mouth opening around the man's left eye, handed him a drink. He took giant gulps, letting out a belch after downing most of it.

All I could do was stare at him; not comprehending how a sweet guy like Mikey could be into this stuff.

"Come on" another friend of Mikey shouts, "finish the rest of the drink!"

Mikey, who at this point was putting his hand on the wall to keep from falling over, legs wobbling, gave a nervous glance at the bottle of alcohol.

"I-I don't t-t-thing i-it's a g-goodidea" he stuttered, his words starting to slur.

Hunter walked up to Mikey and gave him an annoyed look, pushing the drink that was in Mikey's hands right up against his chest.

"We've talked about this Mikey" plastering a fake smile, the side of his mouth twitching, "I really don't think you would want to question me...or the boss."

This angered me.

If Mikey said that he's had enough, he's had enough. I don't get why they are pressuring him, he seriously looks like he wants to throw up.

I know the look.

I want to say something as Mikey raises the bottle to his mouth, arms shaking, seeing a tear, that for some reason they don't see, roll down the side of his cheek. I want to to tell them to back off, to yell and scream to stay away from my brother; but I'm scared.

Scared of these humans.

They out number Mikey and I, I don't know the first thing about fighting, and Mikey is slipping into a drunken state.

We wouldn't win; and I'm not about to destroy what I've just gained.

A family.

So, I just act as if everything is fine, pretend that I want to be around these strange people, pretend that I don't have a care in the world. Politely decline their offers of drinking and smoking, and after 'talking' for a while, more like Mikey being bullied while I was just too scared to stand up for him; told them since it's getting dark, that Mikey and I should head home.

They questioned why, to which I would respond,

"We don't want our father knowing about the stuff we were doing with you guys."

And meaning it.

I'm going to have a hard time explaining what happened to Mikey to Leo and Master Splinter; Mikey's face is all green, unable to stand on his own, spitting out random sentences (well, that part of his drunkenness will be easy since he always talks about the most random things), and is overly emotional.

He's happy one second, yelling at me and screaming curse words the next, and then is crying and apologizing to me, begging me not to leave him for the curse words he screamed at me.

I hate to see him like this, I'm actually going to this; I like Mikey as his usual, loud, high pitch, mouth running a thousand miles self.

I'm literally dragging Mikey, since I have a hard time carrying him, and for the fact he just vomited on me; the smell make me want to hurl as well. People gave us weird looks, a few of them asking us if Mikey needed to go to the hospital. I almost hurled on them out of a nervous reaction, but told them

"Nowearegood" and then sped off, not wanting to take any chances of pulling over Mikey and I's disguise; my main fear of them discovering who we really are. I'm kind of surprised that not a lot of people asked us; but Mikey says a lot of wired stuff happens on a daily basis, so I guess this is normal. Either that, or they just don't want to get involved in something that could get them killed

We enter the alleyway, containing the sewer drain that leads to home. I leaning against the wall, slowly lowering to myself to the ground, removing the hood off of my head, and lowering the turtleneck below my chin; letting out a big sigh, wiping the seat off of my forehead. Mikey crawled and laid next to me, burying his head in his arms.

"Are we home yet" he mumbles, letting out a hic-up.

Considering Leo told Mikey and I to wait right next to the sewer drain, I would've told Mikey no. But the thing is, I don't know how long it's going to Leo to find Raph; if he can find him.

I pull Mikey's hood over his head and patted it, "yes we are, now take a nap, I promise to wake you up when Leo and Raph come back."

He gave a nod, "I hope he f-finds Raph."

I pull my hood over my head, "me too Mikey, me too."

-Raphael's POV-

I sat on top of a random building, right next to the hospital. I glare at a wallet, glaring at the picture of the girl who dared to come and talk to me.

"She's lucky I have no use for this money" I muttered to myself, "why did she have to drop it?"

I then looked up at the hospital, in some way, hoping she can feel me glaring at her, wherever she is in the hospital.

"You're an idiot April" I snarled, getting louder and louder as I spoke, standing up and pointed at the hospital, "you're an idiot for believing that I needed you're help; I don't need anyone's help!"

I couldn't calm down, I couldn't think completely straight. Why? WHY? WHY did she risk her own safety for the likes of me; she's just a god damn human who was fortunate enough that I didn't let the hunger come over me.

"You're extremely stupid woman" I shouted at the hospital, "I don't need you're help, especially from the likes of a human!"

"What are you screaming about" I heard a voice say, surprising me, nearly dropping the wallet.

I snapped my head behind me, my anger at a boiling point as I saw Leo right behind me; looking confused. I could feel my face turn red, not liking him seeing me like this; quickly stuffing April's wallet in the pants pocket of my pants, hoping that he didn't see it.

"What do you have" Leo questioned me, raising an eye, pointing at my pockets.

The exact opposite of what I wanted to happen.

No way in hell am I telling him anything!

I then pointed at him, "what in the were you trying to accomplish sneaking up on me" answering his question with a question, hoping he would forget about the wallet.

"I wasn't trying I to sneak up on you, quit being such a baby" and smirks when he says 'baby'.

Of course this made me angry, wanting to wipe that smirk right off his face.

"Now, quit avoiding my question, what is in your pocket" crossing his arms, tapping his foot, waiting for my response.

Can I get anything past this guy?

"It's not important."

"Well" he says, "it's must be important enough for you to hide it from me, like you do with many things."

I get on the defensive, "because what has happened in my life, and what is going on in my life right now, is none of your concern" letting out a growl.

"I'm not going to judge you" he says, giving me a smile, "I'm your older brother, you can tell me anything, I will understand."

He knows nothing, once I tell him what's wrong with me, he will kick me out, along with that rat and the others. Leo can be as big of a liar as the humans, and to me, that says something.

Wait, I want to leave, why don't I just tell them?

Because they will kill me, I know they will, I endanger everyone.

But wait, isn't that supposed to be a good thing?

For a moment I left reality, because standing where Leo was standing, I see my father.

The one who is hunting me down.

I stood there, staring at him, my whole body shaking, terrified on what's going to happen next. The only way I can beat him is if I let my hunger take over, I hate him, but he's my father, he was the one who made the way I am.

At least he cared enough to keep me, as bad as his intentions are. I could take him out, but I know if I got the chance...I wouldn't be able to do it.

Gigantic, spikes an his armor, his face hidden behind his helmet; only I and a very few have ever seen his true face; since his greatest enemy decided to disfigure him.

Maybe if I take out his greatest enemy, wherever he is; maybe I might be allowed to prove my worth.

God I can't make up my mind; I hate my father, but it love him at the same time. I hate Leo, the rat, and the other two...but I can't seem to just break the deal and leave; I'm good at keeping deals, but I'm also good at breaking them as well.

Hate and love.

Why do my feelings contradict each other; I can't make up my own damn mind.

"Are you ok Raph" Leo asks, my father fading away; leaving Leo left in his place, "you're starting to look a little sick."

I wanted to snap at him and tell him to mind his own damn business; but I'm just too tired, too confused to even know how to respond.

I just shrug my shoulders and sat on the ledge of the building, "I honestly don't know."

He sat next to me, "you don't have to tell me what's going on" she says, "but please, if you have a problem, just talk to me about it."

I let out a chuckle, making him confused.

"As you can tell" giving him half a smile, "I'm not good at talking."

He just sighs, "I know our personalities are almost completely opposite, our ways of handling things are different" he explains, "but that doesn't mean we need to avoid each other, we should have talks like this every once in a while."

I roll my eyes; I don't see a point in trying to get along.

"You know I'm only going to be here for a year, right?"

He gives me a sad look, but doesn't cry, "you remind me that everyday this whole week of living with each other, although I would love for you to stay."

I raise an eye at him, "I do not see the need for me to be here, or why you want me here."

"You're family."

I would argue that we aren't family, but I'm actually too tired to argue at this moment.

"Whatever you say" my elbows on my legs, my chin resting in the palm of my hands.

I could by the look on his face that he was relieved that I didn't start an argument, but I could see a grimace of a smile on the corners of his mouth. Like he thinks that I'm starting to give up on denying that were family; so I'm going to knock that grimace of hope he's holding onto.

"If I ever do decide to stay" I say, Leo stares at me intensely, "and don't question me on this, just take my word for it."

He nods, knowing that he won't get anywhere with me if he asks questions.

I know I'm not going to stay here after the full year has passed; but I know this will shut him up on asking me about my past, or at least avoid asking questions until it eats him alive and drive him on the edge of insanity. I want him to live with this sentence, and as much as I don't want to admit it, but for his sake, and for the other's sake as well. As much as I hate him, he hasn't done anything to deserve to die; so I will give him this fair warning.

He should consider this a blessing for years to come.

"If I do decided to stay with you guys" giving a smile as I stare at Leo in the eyes, "be ready to face the fact that you will have to kill me."


	8. Mikey

**Holy crap it has been a while! **

**Yay, finally get to see what life is looks like in Mikey's eyes! And there is a bit of a time jump, like two and a half to three months since what went down in the last chapter. I felt like since this is Mikey, since I feel a million things go through his mind all the time, the paragraphs are kind of short, and I felt like the quick sentences went well with Mikey for most of the chapter.**

**This is one of my short chapter's, kind of a filler but it's not at the same time. I honestly got emotional when I wrote this, since I can relate to Mikey in a lot of ways, especially when I'm listening to "Big Girls Cry" by Sia :/**

**Anyways, please let me knwo what you think!**

* * *

Chapter 8

Mikey's POV

I swear I'm normal.

Don't believe me?

Good.

Because I'm a liar.

A liar, thief, hoodrat, blah blah blah.

I drink, smoke, and commit bad crimes, and laugh at other people's troubles; distracts from my own troubles.

I'm not good to be around with.

Then, as fate would have it…..I get a family, my own family!

Leo, oh man, I look up to him. He's strong, brave, but can be highly annoying when he lectures me about the bad stuff that I have done. Like I need to be reminded.

Donnie, my lovely nickname for him since his name is so damn long, is super smart. Throughout the past month or so since I've lived here, I would throw out random words that I've found in some of his science books he got from the dumpster, and he would answer them in less than five seconds.

Seriously.

That's his best time.

Raph. Or Raphie, as I love to call him to piss him off, is a strange fellow.

Bipolar is more like it.

Seeming somewhat happy one moment, but say one tiny thing he doesn't like, like seriously anything, it could be the word ice cream and all hell would break lose. But I have to say one thing; he's one hell of a fighter. During our practice sessions with him and the others, I would say he's the best. I say he's a better fighter than Leo, but lets his anger overshadow his thinking sometimes.

Still doesn't stop me from messing with him.

Thanks to our peace loving father, and for Raph thinking that violence is always the answer when he chases me around the house; I can get away with pissing him off on a daily basis.

I hum to myself a random tune as I enter my home, smelly, but I've been used to this smell since I've lived in the poorest and nastiest parts of New York. I swoop down and cupped some of the dirty water into my hands, splashing it onto myself, trying to mask the smoke and the smell of the outside. All they know what I'm doing is that I'm walking around in this sewer underground, well everyone except Raph. Claims that he can see though my bullshit but chooses not to say anything; since he goes above the sewers all the time himself.

At least it's some sort of communication and understanding that we have between the two of us.

The streets was my old home and has my…..friends up there. It's not like I can completely just leave it and never come back, I have a past up there, mind you not exactly a pleasant one, but one that's hard to leave. Sure I'm not treated well between my 'friends', that's something I've known since I first met them, especially when I have to laugh it off when Donnie asks me every once in a while why I've put up with them.

Asks me those kinds of questions ever since he met them months ago.

Stupid questions that I'd rather avoid.

I enter my home and put a little skip in my step, trying to act as happy as I can, trying to avoid the memories of when I was above the sewers an hour ago.

"For the millionth time today Leo" I hear Raph shouting, not bothering to keep my happy fake smile and plastered on an annoyed look, "leave me the fuck alone!"

When will those two just shut the hell up?

"I just want to help" I hear Leo say, not really shouting, but I can hear and see the restraint as I walk by the kitchen, seeing Leo standing next to the table with his arms crossed. Raph had his back facing him as he sat at the table, violently shoving food into his mouth; by the looks of it…..canned soup.

Looks like we are out of pizza again.

"No!"

"Come on Raph, what harm would my help be?"

Raph let out a cackle, "do you really want me answer that that?"

Leo just shakes his head and lets out a sigh, "Don't be difficult, I'm just trying to show that I care."

"Well" Raph growls, slowly plastering on an evil smile, did it in such a way that I almost peed myself, "You can take all your cares and shove it up your ass!"

I decided not to see how this fight would end, and walked away as Leo came back at him with a retort, trying to block out their shouts.

When will they shut up?

I've been in some arguments between them and a few other people, but they were reasonable fights, one's that I had good reasons to shout at the top of my lungs, but these two…..

I swear they can fight about anything!

It can start off as an innocent comment; a slight brush of each other as they pass each other in the hallway, then a fight ensues.

Leo causes half of them. I swear if Leo would just get off Raph's case every once in a while, there would be a lot less fights. If Raph would take a chill pill every once in a while there would be a lot less fights.

If they both weren't both so damn stubborn; there would be little to no fights between the two of them!

I let out a heavy sigh and walk by Donnie's lab, hoping he might want to hang out and plastered on a fake smile as I slowly pushed opened his door. My smile slips as I see Donnie with some headphones in, wearing giant goggles, biting his lip as he messes with an invention of his with deep concentration.

Don practically lives in this place, it's like the room that was given to him didn't even exist. Messing with his inventions every day, only coming out to eat and do practice. The only good thing about him being in there was that he has made the TV fully functional without the use of an antenna, and that he gives me lessons on how to read.

I've always wanted to, the Purple Dragon didn't give a crap, and Donnie was willing to help me out every now and then. But lately he's been so busy making these kinds of medicine, I don't know what use he has with it, but it feels like I'm being ignored. I would go to Splinter, but all he would do is try to figure out my past. I do want to tell him, but then I don't.

I've done so many bad things; I've got blood on my hands for pete's sake, I put up with people who don't care about me. I have a family who I'm scared to tell about my true self to, because I'm afraid they will kick me back to the streets because of what I've done.

I feel my anxiety level rise and my depression clouding my mind. God, I hate this feeling, I need to get rid of it. I run to my room, past Donnie's beeping machines, past the screaming match between my two eldest brothers, slamming my door and locked it. I run over to my bed and grab out a box that I can barley fit under my bed, throwing open the lid across the room, feeling tears running down my cheeks as I see blood flashing through my mind; seeing the man's life slowly dwindle away as the gleam, that gleam that he always had in his eyes, fade away.

I don't know what kind of alcohol I grabbed, nor did I care, I just wanted that heavy and nasty taste, one that will drag me to paradise for a while, to escape the memories. I want to escape the loneliness, the screaming, the pain.

I just want to escape for the rest of the night.


End file.
